Oh What A World

Sometimes I get caught up in this feeling of thinking I’ll never measure up to anything much in my life. It is not that I am self-loathing and hate my life or anything, on the contrary over the last few years I have come to really appreciate everything that I do have and all the small occurrences and musings that make my life so wonderful.

But I am still plagued by thoughts that make me think my all consuming imagination and dreams that I hold for myself are nothing more then a fairytale that I could just never achieve in this life- whether it be to obvious hindrances like lack of intelligence or money, or something more like the ever present fear of rejection and failure, or even that maybe at the end of the day that what I dream of doing is unattainable because I’m just not good enough and other people that too held the same dreams so dear well they just are good enough to make them work.

And I always hear people say positive affirmations like ‘follow your dreams’ or ‘the world is your oyster, you can do whatever you put your mind to’ and I can’t help but think that maybe that is all a crock, nothing but bullshit that we are spoon feed by people who think that believing in these things will actually make them true. Which unfortunately it is just not the way the world works.

I look at peoples lives all around me and I wonder if they have followed their dreams and actually achieved what they wanted to or if they just decided on settling for something less because they just could not keep going on a hope. I look at myself and wonder if after the unbridled hopes, plans and dreams of my youth fade, am I destined to just fall into the assembly lines of mediocrity and settle for whatever keeps food in my belly and a roof over my head?

Is that the way it all works?